This week, in the drop box of my mind …..
1. I watched an interview with E.L. James, aka Erica Leonard. I had no idea that she (a) first wrote FIFTY SHADES OF GREY as fan fiction, and that (b) this means her main characters in FSOG were originally Bella and Edward. Oh my.
2. Erica loved TWILIGHT – - the movies first, then the books. She began writing FSOG on her Blackberry on her way to work. 30 million copies sold in 6 months.
3. Dammit, people, what might have been. If only I’d been able to read more than 20 pages of TWILIGHT. If only I knew what fan fiction was. If only I had a Blackberry and a job!
4. Moving on ….
5. I have a huge crush on Salman Rushdie. Whippet fucking smart, my Salman. And he makes me laugh. This doesn’t mean I totally get all of his books, but if I had to pick a writer to sit next to at a rubber chicken dinner, Salman would be my man. Can’t wait to read JOSEPH ANTON.
6. This week I’m going to see TC Boyle at Kepler’s Bookstore. I have a crush on TC, too, so I’ll have to get there early and sit in the front row. One of my favorite short stories is his “Descent of Man” which begins: I was living with a woman who suddenly began to stink. It was very difficult.
7. Mr. Rushdie will also be at Kepler’s this week, but I can’t go. I’ll be in Italian class, learning how to count to ten. Uno, Due, Tre, Quattro… Ten sure is a long way from 30 million.
8. I used to play golf with my friend Dr. Ruth (her real name!) when she was on-call. Her pager went off constantly, and there was always a Viagra crisis. I once asked if there really are erections lasting longer than 4 hours. “Four and longer,” she said. “It’s pretty humiliating, so it must be worth it. These guys walk into the ER carrying a jacket in front to cover it, and then they have to sit in the waiting room. There’s usually a woman with them, too, who looks totally embarrassed while trying to act supportive. And if that’s not bad enough – surprise – he gets me: A Woman Doctor! I have to grab hold of it and insert a giant needle about yea-long and drain all the blood out.”
9. I hear that male dogs are more loyal to women than female dogs. Who knew.
10. When I was in Prague, I had a massage. I walked into a not-dark-enough room with my young male therapist, and he said, “I’ll take your robe.” None of that leaving the room while you get hidden under the sheet stuff. I handed him my robe and stood there, naked as all hell, having a chat about which body parts were bothering me. He listened so intently, picked up my sore foot off the floor, bent down for a closer look.
And on that note …. happy reading and writing, everybody.