On the first Fall-like day of this year, I drove to the closest Barnes & Noble. I was thrilled to see it’s still open. Here’s a sampling of what I found on the shelves right up front:
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The 17 Day Diet (Because we all know This One Will Work!)
Vampire Art Now (Hey, I thought vampire books were out. That’s what all the agent blogs keep saying.)
In My Time (Because we’re all desperate to hear Dick Cheney’s side of the story.)
Every Day a Friday (The latest of many from that freakishly slick and smiling Joel Osteen.)
Rin Tin Tin, The Life and The Legend (I love dogs more than most humans, but come on.)
Public Parts (I guess somebody needs to tell us how to Twitter, Facebook, and Blog without embarrassing ourselves.)
I Can Make You Happy (An international best seller!)
About Time (About time.)
Where’s The Birth Certificate? (300 pages, this is. I thought it was settled, or is there more to debate on Obama’s birth?)
The Lady of the Rivers (The latest from Philippa Gregory, only now she’s writing with 2 more writers, ala James Patterson. I kinda feel the icks.)
Skinny Bitch: Home, Beauty, Style (And we wonder why young girls — and old girls — have issues.)
Last week over at Betsy’s blog, she asked “What’s the market for the book you’re writing?” I don’t know about you, but my work-in-progress is not in the realm of any of these. Who’s buying these books?
If you had to choose one from this list, which would be your top pick?
Me?
I’m totally going for that new diet book. I’ll be model-skinny and rockin’ my high school Jordache jeans by Halloween! Woo hoo! (not)
Teri Carter's Library 
I choose “The 17 Day Diet.” I’ll be model-skinny in 1/2 the time you will…
Not a one.
Seriously. Who in the world is buying these? Not me, and not anybody I know….
Snap.
(do they say that in North America? I lose track…)
Ditto.
I laughed through the parenthetical comments on all of these. Well done!
Toss up between 17 Day Diet and Skinny Bitch, although now looking at it, it’s clear we’re dealing with a sequel.
“Nothing gets between me and my Calvins.”
I walked back and forth before those Barnes & Noble shelves like a prisoner in her tiny cell, trapped with all that reading material, yet nothing to read. Imagine being in solitary confinement with I CAN MAKE YOU HAPPY, or even worse, ABOUT TIME.
I’m serious when I ask, who’s buying these books? In hardback. In this economy. I’m totally baffled.
Depressed, lonely people broke and looking for a quick fix…
If someone forced me to pick up one of those atrocities, it might be Public Parts. And I definitely wouldn’t giggle at the stupid title, either.
I remember when the Borders closed over here in Glasgow. All that was left was books on how to learn Welsh, some similar self-help titles (probably the ones about communicating with your spirit angel by throwing feathers and pieces of paper at it). Also lots of remaindered jewelry holders that are made to look like bedazzled miniature mannequins with iron hooks arising from the neck stump. Sad times.
What a perfect description of what it feels and looks like. My head kept screaming, “But isn’t this a bookstore?!?!” Add in the too-loud music and super bright lights … and it was just sad.
I’ll take the Dick Cheney book and a pack of Sharpies please.
You’ll have to fight me for the Sharpies.
Yikes, tough list. I’ll take the I Can Make You Happy with a fork to stick in my eye.