Give President Trump his Nobel Prize

This week at the United Nations General Assembly (UNGA), President Trump told reporters, “I think I’m going to get a Nobel Prize for a lot of things, if they gave it out fairly, which they don’t.”

Let’s do it, people. Let’s give the man his prize. Let’s enshrine his place in history as the first man, the first president, to receive the Nobel Prize while being impeached for violating the Constitution of the United States.

Surely, no one has worked harder for such a prize these last few years, racking up a miles-long list of, in his own impervious parlance, “a lot of things.” The man’s got a point. Many points, in fact. And while we could begin with his latest debonair foray, withholding almost $400 million in aid to Ukraine and then calling the new Ukrainian president to have a little chat about investigating his top political rival, how about we go back to the beginning. To simpler times.

For more than five years before becoming president in 2016, Mr. Trump promoted the lie, falsehood, fabrication, deception, invention, fiction, tall-tale, whopper that Barack Obama, our first African-American president was not born in the U.S. The sheer fortitude of such a prolonged, malevolent effort was at the very least—what’s the word?—indecorous, and deserves more than an honorable mention.

Recall that Toni Morrison, ”who in novels characterized by visionary force and poetic import, gives life to an essential aspect of American reality,” became the first African-American woman to win the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1993.

And how dare we speak of literature, of visionaries, of American reality and our reality TV star president—You’re fired!—without paying tribute to an original, Trump University and the $25M settlement in which, as the New York attorney general stated, “victims of Donald Trump’s fraudulent university will finally receive the relief they deserve … [though] some elderly plaintiffs who paid $20,000-plus in tuition died waiting to receive their checks from the settlement.”

But wait, you ask, what about his accomplishments since being elected, what of his breathtaking mastery of the presidency, of foreign affairs?

Surely we all recall his first act as president, when he stood before the Memorial Wall at CIA headquarters and said, honoring the stars of the dead patriots on the wall behind him, “I have a running war with the media. They are among the most dishonest human beings on earth, right?”

And yet, not to be outdone, even by himself, “the most shocking episode for the CIA came last July in Helsinki, when Trump publicly accepted President Vladimir Putin’s smug assurances that Russia had not meddled in the 2016 presidential election—even though the U.S. intelligence community had concluded that Russia had.”

Then, there was the president’s first, official, overseas trip to the Middle East—a first for a U.S. president—where he was warmly feted by his friends, the Saudis, who reportedly own the entire 45th floor of Trump Tower. The same Saudis who harbored 9/11 terrorists.

But I digress.

Mr. Trump has since dismissed, as one does, the formal U.N. investigation indicating that the murder and dismemberment with a bone saw of Washington Post reporter Jamal Khashoggi was a gruesome, premeditated, “extrajudicial killing for which the State of the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia is responsible.”

And who can forget those love letters—Love letters! Obama with his fancy Nobel Prize never got love letters!—from North Korea’s Kim Jung Un who, after multiple meetings with Art of the Deal tragedian and raconteur Trump, “has continued to test short-range ballistic missiles and has made no firm commitments to stop testing submarine launched missiles.”

The Nobel Prize is awarded in only 6 areas: literature, peace, physics, chemistry, medicine, and economics. This seems shortsighted, does it not? What if the president is right? What if it’s not fair?

What if, now stick with me here, Alfred Nobel (inventor, entrepreneur, scientist, poet, and businessman) who established the prize in 1895 was egregiously remiss in not adding “trust in tyrants” to the list?

As Congress begins impeachment proceedings, based in part on a whistleblower complaint buried weeks ago by the White House, let’s do it. Let’s make it right! Let’s put aside the lofty vicissitudes of visionary force and poetic import of Toni Morrison. Let’s lift to the heavens the latest horrifying scandal in Mr. Trump’s long list of horrifying scandals and give the man his Nobel Prize.

Admit it. He has, as he so humbly reminded us at the UNGA, done “a lot of things.”